So, I’ve been absent for the last few days and totally ignoring the Plan. Over the last few days, my youngest son has been in the ER twice and we stayed overnight once - pneumonia with dehydration. No fun. The first trip to the ER was OK, good doctor who treated me like a person who was neither stupid nor beneath him, and he diagnosed the pneumonia and sent us home with antibiotics. The second trip to the ER was not OK. Not at all. This doctor was a giant pain in the butt who treated me like I was both stupid and beneath her. She had no respect for my child’s fear or situation - and anyone who thinks that autism doesn’t effect things like sleeping in a strange bed with tubes coming out of you is an idiot. She had no respect for me or my concerns. Overnight at a hospital is bad enough but starting from there - when you’ve already been yelled at by a woman who you can’t imagine why on earth she became a doctor as she seems to dislike people - is no fun. Plus, I was already running on too little sleep myself, having been up and down and up and down with the little one for two nights already. Had I been running on all cylinders - I probably would have told the doctor off instead, she practically had me in tears and the hubster wasn’t getting why I was so distressed. It turns out, hospital rooms are COLD and hospital blankets are worthless and I won’t even get started on those “sleep” chairs. We came home yesterday and he’s done well - he’s so happy to be home. The most important part of coming home was, to him, his own bed in his own room (and NickJr). I didn’t sleep a whole lot last night either, obsessively checking his temperature. We’ve had one hot spike since we’ve been home but it responded well to meds and today has been blissful. His temp has been within normal range since 10 this morning. I may actually get a whole night’s sleep tonight. Except I know me, I’ll probably wake up two or three times wanting to check his temperature anyway. I can’t help it. I obsess.
This year has not started off the way I’d planned. Not in the slightest. Tonight, I’m doing something completely normal. Tonight, I’m having my friend over to watch Supernatural with a pan of double-chocolate brownies and some popcorn like we do almost every Friday night. It’ll be the first honestly normal thing I’ve done pretty much since my pap fell down the stairs two weeks ago.
Tomorrow is a new day and I’m looking forward to getting back on track with my plan. I’m sure there will be more wrenches thrown at me but I don’t think any can compare to the last two weeks. I know now that we likely don’t have long with my pap and I know that my baby is on the mend and I know that my oldest is still a near-teenager stretching his attitudinal wings. I can’t change the way things unfold this year, and I expect there to be times when I just don’t have it in me to worry about stupid things like calories in and calories expended. I’ve burned more calories pacing in the last two weeks than I think are countable in the first place. So - I’m just going to get back into the swing of things. What else can you do? Some things aren’t worth worrying about when there are more important things going on. Yes, I’m trying to get healthy for my kids as much as myself, but sometimes the short term needs eclipse the big picture. And sometimes, they damned well should.
~S
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